I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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