Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
