yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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