Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
