I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
