I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
