You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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