would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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