Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
