dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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