I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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