I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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