Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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