He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
