Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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