is your mom at the bar?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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