Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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