VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
