I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
