im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This toilet bowl is my home.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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