I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just shotgunned beers for America
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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