So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
