how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
