trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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