my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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