We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize