Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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