i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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