It's Friday. Sex?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
