he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
