I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
