I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
