So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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