I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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