Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
