Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
