youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
