He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
