Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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