Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
