just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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