brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize