he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
