I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
