well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
