It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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