she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
