I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
