Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
