I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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