Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
