omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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