the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
