It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
