I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
