and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
