I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
