grandma shit on top of the toilet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
