so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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