I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
