if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
