Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
