haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
