I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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