i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
