The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
