I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
