Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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