but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
