This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
