So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
